You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
