do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
