Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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