Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize