He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
