1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
