My brain says no but my pants say off.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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