They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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