Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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