Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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