I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
