Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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