don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
