are you still at the devil's house?
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
