I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
