Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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