looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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