If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
