She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
