8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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