paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
