I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
