Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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