I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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