your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
