she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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