Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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