I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
