You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
