I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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