Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
