I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
