You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
