Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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