dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize