Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
