Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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