Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...

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(208): View more from Idaho

you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack

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(662): View more from Mississippi

We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.

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(540): View more from Virginia

i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building

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(516): View more from New York

In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets

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(315): View more from New York

mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.

(315): View more from New York

hahahaha slap the bag.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.

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