I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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