I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
