I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just gift wrapped bread.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
