Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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