How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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