i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
a search helicopter?!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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