Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
