I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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