Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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