There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
