How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
