if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
