i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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