he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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