I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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