just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
