I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
