he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
