Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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