i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
