if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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