see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
