I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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