Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
