I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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