so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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