Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
