Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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