is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
