Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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