I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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