Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize