My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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