Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
