my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
