tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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