Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
